Read an Excerpt

Introduction

A Gift to Embrace

God is the giver of amazing gifts, overwhelmingly wonderful gifts. But there’s such a thing as our not knowing how to receive them. That was the case for me when my firstborn child, Alicia, arrived at Presbyterian Hospital in Brooklyn, New York.

I was only twenty-three at the time, a young married man with a horrible past and a relatively new faith in the Lord. I was still trying to figure out how to be a decent husband to my beautiful bride, Gloria, and suddenly I found myself faced with the task of being a father to a precious little girl, as well. How could I possibly measure up?

Just a few years earlier a court-appointed psychologist had told me that I would never be normal. Five times he looked me in the eyes, point blank, and said, “Nicky, there is no way you can ever have a normal family. With a past like yours you’ll never be able to make a marriage last. You’ll be a wife beater, and you’ll abuse your kids if you ever have any.” He also told me the reason: “You have a dark side in your life—a side that’s killing you, slowly but surely. You don’t know how to love, and you don’t know how to be loved.”

Now here I was, a new husband and father, and those words haunted me at every turn.

From the moment we brought Alicia home from the hospital, Gloria could tell something was wrong. Several times I caught her watching me from across the room as I would bend over our daughter’s crib and make faces. I’d tickle her under her tiny arms and brush her face with my hands, but I never picked her up. I didn’t know how.

One evening, when Alicia was four weeks old, Gloria decided to confront me about this. I had just taken a shower and was leaning over our baby’s crib, making gestures with my mouth and laughing at her reactions. Gloria could no longer keep silent. “What’s the matter, Nicky?” she said. “What are you afraid of? Why don’t you ever hold our baby?”

I didn’t know what to say. I was too proud to admit my fears, so I just stood looking at her, speechless.

There was a lot of my background that I’d kept hidden from Gloria. She knew that I had a sordid past—much more brutal than most—but I’d never told her just how painful and abusive my childhood had been. I was convinced that she never would have married me if she’d known about the horrible things I had experienced—and done. So I never told her everything.

“Tell me, Nicky,” Gloria persisted. “Why don’t you ever want to hold Alicia?”

Finally I said to her, “I don’t know how.”

She seemed surprised by my answer. “Then let me show you,” she said.

Gently she scooped Alicia into her arms and instructed me to extend my hands toward her. She slowly placed Alicia into my arms and told me to bend my elbows and let her roll toward my chest. I did as she said, as slowly and gently as I knew how. I’d never held a baby, and I was afraid I might hurt her.

I wasn’t wearing a shirt, and as I held her tiny body against my chest, I could feel the warmth of her soft skin against mine. Her eyes were open, and she was looking up at me, smiling, cooing. At that instant a wave of emotion began to well up within me. It wasn’t what I expected. The feeling was like nothing I had ever experienced. As I held my precious daughter tightly against my chest, I could literally feel the tenderness and love running through my heart, right down to my soul. It was overwhelming. Tears began forming in my eyes. Such emotion. How could I have possibly prepared myself for such a moment of pure and innocent love?

For the first time in my life I understood what it meant to be a father—to be part of a family. It was as if God was telling me, Nicky, this is my gift to you. You’ve trusted me with your soul, and now I entrust you with this beautiful child. Never forget that she belongs to me. Take care of her. Protect her. Teach her. Love her as I have loved you.

In a million words I couldn’t describe the feelings of awe and gratitude that came over me at that moment—the feelings that completely enveloped my heart and spirit as I stood cuddling this precious gift that God had so graciously given me. It was a gift that I didn’t deserve and could never repay. I suddenly saw Alicia as so much more than a child; she was my future, my chance to start over, my chance to restore the years I had wasted.

My past was over. This was my life, my new destiny and responsibility before God.

I pledged to Jesus that from that moment on, I would faithfully care for my daughter—I would willingly do anything for her, even die for her. I suddenly understood as never before the importance of a child’s coming into this world and how to receive such an incredible gift from God. I understood my responsibility as this child’s father to be the strong and caring masculine image in her life, her hero. I would not shirk that responsibility, and I committed to God that this child, and any other child he chose to entrust to my care, would faithfully follow their Savior. No one was going to tear my children out of the loving hands of Jesus!

The battle for the souls of my children began at that very moment.

And also in that moment I finally understood what it means to receive an irrevocable, irreplaceable gift from the Savior.

If you are a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, then you, too, have been given an incomparable gift by God—the gift of the Holy Spirit. God has entrusted to each one of his followers a measure of his power, a small piece of himself. It is a gift that none of us deserve, and one that we can never repay, yet he gives it freely and willingly to all who put their trust in him.

But with this gift comes great responsibility. Through the Spirit’s power we are to take the message of God’s love to the world around us—to use our position and authority in Christ to not only teach the world how to live, but to lead others into the arms of the Savior. It’s an honor and a responsibility that should not be taken lightly.