Mind over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health

Mind over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health

by Brad Klontz, Ted Klontz
Mind over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health

Mind over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health

by Brad Klontz, Ted Klontz

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Overview

Do you overspend? Undersave? Keep secrets about money from a spouse or family member? Are you anxious about dealing with your finances? If so, you are not alone. Let's face it–just about all of have complicated, if not downright dysfunctional, relationships with money.

As Drs. Brad and Ted Klontz, a father and son team of pioneers in the emerging field of financial psychology explain, our disordered relationships with money aren’t our fault. They don’t stem from a lack of knowledge or a failure of will. Instead, they are a product of subconscious beliefs and thought patterns, rooted in our childhoods, that are so deeply ingrained in us, they shape the way we deal with money our entire adult lives. But we are not powerless. By looking deep into ourselves and our pasts, we can learn to recognize these negative and self-defeating patterns of thinking, and replace them with better, healthier ones.

Drawing on their decades of experience helping patients resolve their troubling issues with money, the Klontzes and describe the twelve most common “money disorders” - like financial infidelity, money avoidance, compulsive shopping, financial enabling, and more — and explain how we can learn to identify them, understand their root causes, and ultimately overcome them.

So whether you want to learn how to make better financial decision, have more open communication with your spouse or kids about the family finances, or simply be better equipped to deal with the challenges of these tough economic times, this book will help you repair your dysfunctional relationship with money and live a healthier financial life.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780385531030
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Publication date: 12/29/2009
Sold by: Random House
Format: eBook
Pages: 320
Sales rank: 590,591
File size: 2 MB

About the Author

DRS. BRAD AND TED KLONTZ, father and son pioneers in the emerging field of financial psychology, are president and CEO of Klontz Coaching and Consulting and co-founders of Your Mental Wealth ™ . In addition to their clinical work, they speak to audiences over 70 times a year about issues relating to behavioral finance, money disorders, and financial health. The author of several books and countless articles, they are frequently quoted in the media about issues relating to behavioral finance, money disorders, and financial health, including the Wall Street Journal, CNN, Good Morning America, The Today Show, The New York Times, and Money Magazine.

Read an Excerpt

1 Information Is Not Enough The basics of financial health aren’t complicated, and they’re pretty much the same, no matter who you are or your level of wealth. They are even the same whether you’re talking about a person, a family, a company, or a country: Save now and invest for the future. Spend reasonable amounts of money to enjoy life and accomplish your goals, but spend less than you earn. Beware of an investment that looks too good to be true, because it probably is.

Pretty simple, right? So why is it that so many of us can’t seem to make those rules work for ourselves? Especially now—at no time in recent history has our collective financial health been more compromised. No matter what measure of disaster you pick—foreclosures, bankruptcies, consumer debt, unemployment—the past two years have set records. (How many times in the last eighteen months have you heard or read the phrase “Not since the Great Depression . . .”?) Even if your own finances are in order, the uncertainty wears on you; if you were worried about money before, the constant drumbeat of bad news has likely been enough to send your stress levels through the roof.

On October 9, 2008, the U.S. budget deficit hit the $10.2 trillion mark. The National Debt Clock, which has been keeping track of what we owe since 1989, could no longer display all the numbers so the dollar sign was removed to make room. The Durst Organization, the real estate company that owns and operates the clock, plans to install an updated model sometime in 2009. The new clock will display numbers in quadrillions—sixteen digits long. The clock has had several locations over the years and is currently installed near the IRS office. A Durst representative said, “We thought it was a fitting location.”

Today, many researchers agree, the biggest source of stress in our lives is money. According to an Associated Press?/?AOL poll released in June 2008, as many as sixteen million Americans suffered from high levels of debt stress and accompanying health complaints. This was a 14 percent increase over a similar 2004 poll. In October 2008, when the American Psychological Association released their annual survey on stress, what do you think was the primary source of stress for Americans? A whopping 80 percent said it was money and the economy. That makes sense given the current financial crisis yet it’s nothing new. Year after year, through boom and bust, the APA poll has shown that for the large majority of Americans—over 70 percent—money is the number one stressor, ranked higher than work, health, or children. But why?

Why Is Money So Significant?

In 1992, psychologists Dr. Joe Griffin and Dr. Ivan Tyrrell developed a new psychological framework about basic human needs. Their human givens approach combines current neurological research with earlier work by theorists such as Abraham Maslow. According to Maslow, all humans have a hierarchy of needs, beginning with the most basic physiological requirements for food and shelter and ascending through social, emotional, and intellectual needs. Our needs must be met at one level before we can begin to address our needs at the next.

Griffin and Tyrell build on Maslow’s work by identifying not only universal human needs but also a range of innate resources available to all people to meet those needs. Together, these are the human givens. In this model, each person, regardless of cultural boundaries, has basic needs that are both physical (such as food, sleep, exercise) and emotional (such as security, attention, connectedness). Our psychological health depends on our ability to meet these needs through the exercise of our inherent resources (such as empathy, imagination, and rationality) in effective, productive ways.

In a modern, industrialized society, money is one of the only things that touches on and impacts each and every one of our needs. The effect of money on physical needs is obvious; you can’t have shelter, for instance, without enough money to pay rent or a mortgage. But take a look at the list of emotional needs on page 21. Money also affects our ability to meet these, too, though some more than others. For example, while it’s always possible to feel a sense of competence and achievement without money, this is certainly more difficult in our culture. The same with status or autonomy.

Plus, since money is concrete and measurable in a way that our needs (love, security, attention) are not, it can easily become so closely linked to our emotional needs that we can’t separate the two. We come to believe that money is love, or security, or attention. Nothing illustrates this better than the story of the Christmas “fancy box.”

denise: My father started and developed a very successful business and he uses the fruits of his labor to “reward” us kids. Every

The Human Givens Institute identifies the following as among our essential, innate needs and capabilities.

Emotional needs

• Security: a safe environment that allows us to develop fully
• Attention, both given and received: a form of nutrition
• Sense of autonomy and control: having volition to make responsible choices
• Emotional connections to others
• Feeling part of a wider community
• Friendship, intimacy: knowing that at least one other person accepts us for who we are
• Privacy: opportunity to reflect and consolidate experience
• Sense of status within social groupings
• Sense of competence and achievement
• Meaning and purpose: the result of being stretched in what we do and think

Resources for meeting our needs

• The ability to develop complex long-term memory, which enables us to learn and add to our innate knowledge
• The ability to build rapport, empathize, and connect with others
• Imagination, which enables us to focus our attention away from our emotions and problem-solve more creatively and objectively
• Emotions and instincts
• A conscious, rational mind that can check out our emotions, question, analyze, and plan
•The ability to “know,” to understand the world unconsciously through metaphorical pattern matching
• An observing self: that part of us that can step back, be more objective and be aware of itself as a unique center of awareness
• A dreaming brain that preserves the integrity of our genetic inheritance every night by metaphorically defusing expectations held in the autonomic arousal system because they were not acted out the previous day

Christmas, after all the gifts have been opened, he brings out his “fancy box.” That’s the real centerpiece of the family gift giving, and it’s been that way since I was a child. Inside the box are envelopes with checks inside, addressed to each one of us kids. Or not. Because I’m a girl and because I’m not directly involved in the family business, sometimes there’s no envelope for me. Or there might be an envelope with my name on it, but my brothers each get several envelopes. As the envelopes are opened, the amount of the check is announced to all assembled. My check is always the smallest. Last Christmas, my brothers got three- hundred-thousand-dollar checks, but there was no envelope with my name on it.

Of course I’ve taken a few lessons from this: Money equals love and whoever gets the most money is loved the most. I also learned that money can be used to control and humiliate others. Those lessons have affected my life, all my life.

Given that money is both essential and so emotionally loaded, it’s no wonder it takes up so much of our attention, nor is it a surprise that so many people have such tumultuous and self-destructive relationships with it. As financial planning pioneer Dick Wagner says, “Money is the most powerful and pervasive secular influence in the world.”

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