Self-help is a nearly ten-billion-dollar industry. By adding a healthy dose of humor and a fresh perspective from today’s real world, these authors make the case for guidelines that stick—just don’t be fooled by their light-hearted, easy-to-read style. Irreverent self-help books are packed with powerful, relevant concepts and ideas that just might change your life. […]
How to Be a Person in the World: Ask Polly's Guide Through the Paradoxes of Modern Life
272How to Be a Person in the World: Ask Polly's Guide Through the Paradoxes of Modern Life
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Overview
Should you quit your day job to follow your dreams? How do you rein in an overbearing mother? Will you ever stop dating wishy-washy, noncommittal guys? Should you put off having a baby for your career?
Heather Havrilesky is here to guide you through the “what if’s” and “I don’t knows” of modern life with the signature wisdom and tough love her readers have come to expect. Whether she’s responding to cheaters or loners, lovers or haters, the anxious or the down-and-out, Havrilesky writes with equal parts grace, humor, and compassion to remind you that even in your darkest moments you’re not alone.
Product Details
ISBN-13: | 9780385540407 |
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Publisher: | Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group |
Publication date: | 07/12/2016 |
Sold by: | Random House |
Format: | eBook |
Pages: | 272 |
File size: | 4 MB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Author’s Note
In the fall of 2012, I pitched an existential advice column to The Awl, a website that publishes smart, original takes on modern culture. At the time, I was a regular contributor to the New York Times Magazine, writing mostly essays about pop culture, and I had a column called the Best-Seller List in Bookforum. I’d spent seven years as a TV critic for Salon.com, I’d written a cartoon called Filler for Suck.com (the Internet’s first daily website!) for five years before that, and I’d answered advice letters on my own blog as early as 2001.
But this was something new. I’d never dished up advice to a wider audience. When The Awl’s co-founder, Choire Sicha, said yes to my idea, he made it clear that the column could be anything I wanted it to be. But what did I want it to be? Obviously, I had all kinds of outspoken, sometimes unwelcome advice to offer friends, family, and complete strangers alike. I’d been handing out unsolicited advice for years. But did I want the column to be funny? Did I want to use the column to rail against the scourge of passivity and avoidance in modern relationships or to address our culture’s burdensome fixation on constant self-improvement? Did I want to sneak in some commentary on troubled friendships, Kanye West, weddings, rescue dogs, luxe brands, commitmentphobic men, property ownership, the artist’s life, pushy mothers-in-law, or Game of Thrones?
As it turned out, I wanted to do all of these things, and eventually I did. But when I was sitting down to write my first weekly column, I just felt scared. “Who do I think I am, giving other people advice?” I thought. “I’m not qualified for this! I don’t have it all figured out. What the hell am I doing?”
I’ve been asking myself that same question every week for four years now. And when Stella Bugbee, the editorial director for New York magazine’s website The Cut, approached me about taking my advice column over to her site, I wondered what she was thinking. Sure, this meant a much larger audience for Ask Polly and more money for me. But did she really know what she was signing on to? “You know my column is three thousand words long every week, and half of those words are ‘fuck,’ right?” I asked her. Somehow, this didn’t scare her off.
I don’t always feel qualified to guide other people to a better life. As a writer, even when I’m sitting down to start a book review or a cultural essay, as I’ve done professionally for years now, the blank page mocks me. “What could you possibly have to say?” it asks. “When are you going to give this up and do something useful with your life?” The blank page can be a real asshole sometimes.
Still, nothing I do brings me more happiness than writing Ask Polly. I’m not always sure of the right answer for any letter, whether someone is dealing with depression and anxiety, a go-nowhere job, a series of not-quite boyfriends, or an overly critical parent. But I do know for certain that when I reach out as far as I can to another person, using my words—my awkward, angry, uplifting, uncertain, joyful, clumsy words (half of which are still “fuck”)—some kind of magic happens. There is magic that comes from reaching out. I don’t believe in many things, but I believe in that, with all of my heart.
Table of Contents
Author's Note xi
I Flaws Become You
Here Comes the (Anxious) Bride 5
My Mind Likes Imagining Boys 12
The Poisons of Materialism 18
Am I Too Weird? 24
Crushed by an STD 33
II You Are Uniquely Qualified to Bring You the World
What Would Kanye Do? 43
My Boyfriend Has Never Had a Job 51
Devil Town 56
Commitmentphobes of N.Y.C. 64
III Reckoning, Anger, and Obsession
The Cheat Sheet 73
I'm Tired of Being So Nice 81
The Weight of Rage 86
Cheaters Become You 93
That Bitter Aftertaste 101
IV Weepiness Is Next to Godliness
Drunk No More 113
I'm Dating My Best Friend's Ex 118
How Do I Get Over This Betrayal? 128
Why Don't the Men I Date Ever Love Me? 134
V Identity and Becoming an Artist (Whether You Make Art or Not)
Land of the Lost Artist 147
Lame Job, Lame Life 155
Do I Make Music or Have a Family? 162
This Job Is Killing Me 169
VI The Uncertainty Principle
Making Friends (Out of Nothing at All) 179
I'm Thirty-Eight and Everything Is Awful 189
Don't Shy Away 195
I Don't Know 202
Career or Baby? 209
VII Beauty in the Breakdown
I Feel Haunted by My Affair 221
The Good Wife 229
Full Disclosure 234
Mourning Glory 239
The Bean Eaters 247
Acknowledgments 257
Reading Group Guide
1. If you could ask Polly any question, what would it be?
2. Polly is known for her tough love—does this approach work for you?
3. Even though the truth can be hard, do you see value in the author’s honesty?
4. Polly is a self-care advocate: what are some different methods of self-care she mentions that she thinks you might be able to apply to your own life? Do you agree with her about the importance of exercise to self-discovery and betterment?
5. Did How To Be a Person in the World leave you creatively inspired?
6. Which essay resonated the most with you?
7. Were there any questions that you couldn’t apply to your own life? If so, why?
8. Why do you think the book was titled How To Be a Person in the World?
9. Did you have a favorite quote from any of Polly’s answers?
10. Why do you think Heather Havrilesky adopted the persona of “Polly” for her advice column?