Synopses & Reviews
From the author of the much-loved memoir
Cottage for Sale, Must Be Moved comes an engaging and inspiring account of a daughter who must face her mother’s premature decline.
In Remembering the Music, Forgetting the Words, Kate Whouley strips away the romantic veneer of mother-daughter love to bare the toothed and tough reality of caring for a parent who is slowly losing her mind. Yet, this is not a dark or dour look at the demon of Alzheimer’s. Whouley shares the trying, the tender, and the sometimes hilarious moments in meeting the challenge also known as Mom.
As her mother, Anne, falls into forgetting, Kate remembers for her. In Anne we meet a strong-minded, accidental feminist with a weakness for unreliable men. The first woman to apply for—and win—a department-head position in her school system, Anne was an innovative educator who poured her passion into her work. House-proud too, she made certain her Hummel figurines were dusted and arranged just so. But as her memory falters, so does her housekeeping. Surrounded by stacks of dirty dishes, piles of laundry, and months of unopened mail, Anne needs Kate’s help—but she doesn’t want to relinquish her hard-won independence any more than she wants to give up smoking.
Time and time again, Kate must balance Anne’s often nonsensical demands with what she believes are the best decisions for her mother’s comfort and safety. This is familiar territory for anyone who has had to help a loved one in decline, but Kate finds new and different ways to approach her mother and her forgetting. Shuddering under the weight of accumulating bills and her mother’s frustrating, circular arguments, Kate realizes she must push past difficult family history to find compassion, empathy, and good humor.
When the memories, the names, and then the words begin to fade, it is the music that matters most to Kate’s mother. Holding hands after a concert, a flute case slung over Kate’s shoulder, and a shared joke between them, their relationship is healed—even in the face of a dreaded and deadly diagnosis. “Memory,” Kate Whouley writes, “is overrated.”
Synopsis
A chronicle of the profound, life-changing, and laugh-out-loud funny moments in the journey of an Alzheimer's caregiver who learns that memory is overrated, familiarity breeds compassion, and flute playing is forever.
In this unsentimental memoir of watching her mother fade away, of dealing with her bills, her housework, her increasing demands and dementia, Whouley brings us right into the laugh-or-you'll-cry experiences of meeting the challenge of Alzheimer's. As her mother falls into forgetting, Kate remembers for her. In her mother, we meet a strong-minded, accidental feminist with a weakness for unreliable men. We meet a daughter who learned early to fend for herself. We encounter their shared passions: books, words, and music. When the books are forgotten and the words begin to fade, it is the music that matters most to Kate's mother. Holding hands after a concert, a flute case slung over Kate's shoulder, and a shared joke between them, their relationship is healed--even in the face of a dreaded, and deadly, diagnosis.
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About the Author
Kate Whouley lives and writes on Cape Cod, where she also works as an independent consultant in the book industry. Her first book, Cottage for Sale, Must Be Moved, was a Book Sense Book-of-the-Year nominee in the nonfiction category, has received kudos from booksellers and reviewers, and is a popular selection for reading groups. Kate’s personal essays have appeared in the Cape Cod Times, Boston Globe, and the book-industry online journal, Shelf Awareness. An avocational flutist, Kate volunteers as a facilitator for the Cape and Islands Arts & Alzheimer’s initiative.
Table of Contents
Chapter One: What We Don’t Know
Chapter Two: Eating Cake
Chapter Three: Minding My Business
Chapter Four: House Hunt
Chapter Five: Smoking
Chapter Six: Mother-Daughter
Chapter Seven: Don’t Get Old
Chapter Eight: Forgetting
Chapter Nine: So Sue Me
Chapter Ten: Sundown at Sunrise
Chapter Eleven: Only Child
Chapter Twelve: Life Inside
Chapter Thirteen: Romper Room
Chapter Fourteen: Wintering
Chapter Fifteen: In the Pink
Chapter Sixteen: Imperfection
Chapter Seventeen: Bad News Santa
Chapter Eighteen: Hollywood Ending
Chapter Nineteen: The Moment
Chapter Twenty: Mother’s Day
Chapter Twenty-one: Till It’s Gone
Chapter Twenty-two: DNR
Chapter Twenty-three: Irish Wake
Chapter Twenty-four: After Words