Table of Contents

Introduction ix

1 Great parents do what they say they are going to do 1

2 Great parents do what they know 3

3 Great parents change themselves first 6

4 Great parents focus near and far 9

5 Great parents see parenting as a skill 13

6 Great parents practice empathy 15

7 Great parents watch out for "buts" 18

8 Great parents respect their children's reality 20

9 Great parents accept their kids just as they are 24

10 Great parents avoid these toxic phrases 27

11 Great parents teach kids to feel their feelings and choose their actions 31

12 Great parents aren't perfect 34

13 Great parents let kids make mistakes and experience failure 36

14 Great parents resist the urge to "fix" feelings 40

15 Great parents take ownership of their feelings 44

16 Great parents acknowledge their moods and feelings 47

17 Great parents pay attention 50

18 Great parents cultivate self-awareness 52

19 Great parents practice positive touch 54

20 Great parents help kids develop positive habits 56

21 Great parents distinguish between goals and methods 60

22 Great parents show kids the way 63

23 Great parents don't gratify behavior they don't want repeated 66

24 Great parents "catch" kids being good (and tell kids specifically what they liked) 68

25 Great parents discipline lovingly 70

26 Great parents discipline in private 72

27 Great parents avoid disciplining when tired or hungry 74

28 Great parents see the goal of discipline as learning, not punishment 76

29 Great parents understand that children's brains are different 79

30 Great parents notice what they say and how they say it 83

31 Great parents see that actions speak louder than words 85

32 Great parents practice emotion coaching 88

33 Great parents promote self-control 93

34 Great parents view kids as little explorers and scientists 96

35 Great parents give previews 100

36 Great parents give kids the benefit of the doubt 102

37 Great parents share their power 104

38 Great parents are in charge 107

39 Great parents maintain a warm and affectionate attitude 109

40 Great parents treat their kids with respect, consideration, and kindness 112

41 Great parents expect their kids to treat them with respect, consideration, and kindness 114

42 Great parents rarely say "Good job!" or "You are so smart!" 116

43 Great parents (mostly) avoid labels 120

44 Great parents play it straight 123

45 Great parents use scaffolding 126

46 Great parents give a reason 129

47 Great parents give fair warning 132

48 Great parents are transparent about their decision-making process 135

49 Great parents know that reasoning has its limits 138

50 Great parents harness the power of natural consequences 141

51 Great parents give speeding tickets 144

52 Great parents create speed bumps 150

53 Great parents are consistent 152

54 Great parents strive to be matter-of-fact 156

55 Great parents teach happiness habits (and also practice them) 160

56 Great parents teach kids the three Ps 166

57 Great parents protect playtime 169

58 Great parents prioritize sleep 172

59 Great parents encourage sensible risk taking 175

60 Great parents encourage their kids to "do good" 178

61 Great parents avoid power struggles 180

62 Great parents avoid reward economies 183

63 Great parents make time to give kids their full attention 188

64 Great parents take care of themselves 190

65 Great parents pivot 194

66 Great parents use placeholders 195

67 Great parents reframe 197

68 Great parents focus on the positive 199

69 Great parents can change the mood (be silly and playful) 201

70 Great parents avoid drama 203

71 Great parents stop the action 205

72 Great parents offer replays 207

73 Great parents stage rehearsals 210

74 Great parents focus on the relationship 214

75 Great parents start where they are 216

Notes 217