Table of Contents
Acknowledgments ix
Introduction xiii
What Are We Talking about When We Talk about Regret? xviii
The Study xxi
A Roadmap of the Book xxvi
1 Paths to Motherhood: What Society Dictates versus Women's Own Experiences 1
"Nature's Way" or the "Freedom of Choice" 3
Going with the Flow 10
Hidden Reasons for Having Children 17
Consenting to Motherhood against One's Will 21
2 Demanding Motherhood: How Mothers Should Look, Act, and Feel 29
"Good Mothers" and "Bad Mothers": They Are Always after the Mothers 31
Maternal Ambivalence 41
3 Regretting Motherhood: If Only I Could Be Nobody's Mom 47
Time and Memory 48
Regret: The Wish to Undo the Irreversible 52
Politics of Regret, Reproduction, and Motherhood 56
"It Was a Terrible Mistake" 60
Regretting Motherhood, but Not the Children 71
Moments of Realization 77
Advantages and Disadvantages of Motherhood 88
4 Living With an Illicit Emotion: Experiences of Motherhood and Expressions of Regret 99
Who I Was and Who I Am 100
Motherhood as a Traumatic Experience 106
Bonds and Fetters of Motherly Love 110
Obligated to Care 114
Being a Mother: A Never-Ending Story 119
Where Are the Fathers? 125
Fantasies of Vanishing 131
Living Apart from One's Children 140
Having More Children or Not 147
5 But What About the Children?: Regretting Motherhood between Silence and Speech 157
Trying to Talk; Being Silenced 161
"Do the Children Know?" 168
Protecting the Children by Silencing Regret 171
Protecting the Children by Letting Them Know 177
6 Mothers As Subjects: Learning from Regret 189
Reaching Out to Mothers: Advantages and Shortcomings 190
Satisfaction in Motherhood: Only a Matter of Conditions? 195
From Objects to Subjects: Mothers as Humans, Motherhood as a Relationship 210
Epilogue 217
Endnotes 225
Index 241
About the Author 244
